i'm cranky. i've been cranky for the past month or so. i dislike the cold weather, though it feels normal. i'm lonely but practically everyone i know drives me insane. they're not doing a damn thing wrong either. i'm just so easily annoyed. i'm disgusted by my body but too lazy to do anything about it. i have a crush on my roommate jess but if a female tries to hit on me i practically scream 'get the fuck away from me, you dyke!' i have no energy and coffee makes me jittery. i wanna fuck but feel disconnected the whole time and can't get wet.
it's obvious that i need to work on myself.
a man slapped me the other night. i haven't been that angry for a long time. i could have hurled a pickup truck through a brick wall. it is not okay to hit women. it's not okay to hit me. i've been abused in past relationships and hate feeling powerless like that. spent the rest of the night looking out the window and, as corny as it sounds, imagining myself as a bird flying away. doesn't make any sense. it's like suicide; you just want out...whatever that means. but i'm not suicidal. just frustrated.
