wanna rock well

i fucking love norman rockwell. he was so talented. the pre-1940's illustrations blow my fucking socks off. i had this treasured/degenerating book of his works that was large and heavy enough to kill a raging bull, it's life span was coming to a close (previous owner had a dog or big rats that ate a lot of it) so i ripped out whatever i could use and chucked the rest. rockwell has got to be the most famous illustrator in america, not famous for his person but most well-known for his work. it's everywhere. and that's so much more respectable than andy warhol or jackson pollack or...picasso. schmuck. sorry! dude had SKILLS and wasn't trying to be a celebrity or even have social status. untouchable in my mind. happy birthday.

two new dudes moved in the big room next to mine. not a couple? just friends sharing a room? not yet sure if they're sharing a bed. whatever, man. anything goes in this house. it's possible someone's coming to check out my room tomorrow night. gotta clean room and hide anything creepy. not like it matters too much what kind of a person i am as i won't be living there and said curious objects won't be there...but don't want someone to think i was doing devil-worshipping or practicing santeria (which is not devil-worshipping, and apparently the term 'santeria' is like a mocking slang thing. huh.) aaaanyway, creepy shit's gotta go, curious mattress stains covered up (oh, like you don't have those) and so on. a right respectable room it is! hope you like walls as dark as night!

take the room. it's cheap. the housemates are great. etc etc.

i myself am looking for a room. feels like half the ones on cl are logan square, which makes me think it's a come-and-go young adult livin' scene. fine. whatever. works for me. what else we got. there's two right near the fireside bowl. is that still open? do they still do shows? wasn't it kinda ghetto before? gentrified now? hmmm. i am not a picky woman. i like a lot of people around and knowing that i won't get raped. mice-ok. rats-i can deal, roaches-blehhhh. no furniture, no laundry, no hot water...ehh. i'll get a man who has hot water. basically even squalor like a bohemian attic (consumption?) or punk squat (rotten crotch? not mine...mine's clean as a whistle. talking about the living atmosphere here) i can deal with. in fact, things that are too modern make me uncomfortable IPHONE/POD/PAD/probably anything apple)

i am not a picky woman.

i like living with men. a bunch of them. who have no intention of getting with me. like i've said before-maybe not here-i have a boy-gang obsession- in that i want to be part of one. dirty mouth, dirty clothes, dirty living (sterling genitals), not trying to fuck me even if i don't wear much clothing at home. a big band of brothers. this is what i want. like fight club. is it possible? not really. not on that scale, i mean.

butt

Fuckin gangsta, kid

Ahh im so fucking set right now. Sitting in burger king watching people. Its the one in allston next to the silhouette-good people watchin spot. Pardon the typos. Got wads of cash in my bag from the show, eating this only slightly gross burger that tastes like fake smoke, theyre playing some sweet light rock and im hung over, haggard and buzzed from sharing my bed last night. Not even sex. Better than that. Got drunk with a friend of mine, watched my pregnant roommate smoke buds, then we were looking at my coin collection -laugh it up- and he made a move on me. I couldnt fucking believe it. Sometimes you never see it comin. I was in the bathroom cracking my knuckles and getting my game face on-like lets do this. Youve woken the beast, my friend- and then no sex. I didnt know what to do. It was like getting handed a scalpel in an er. What am i supposed to do with this? Im a tart. Thats what i do. aside from that im lost. It was great. end of the month im possibly gonna be living right near the belmont-clark intersection in chicago. Fuck dude. Im a runner. Cant ever settle. Ever.

ah

also, if my friend justin is correct, the show sold out in two days or so. that's really something... like bills in my hand.

justin was really kind to get me the show. we had sex a few times. it was what we needed at the time. now we're just friends. simple as that. i can't "hate" on him, as they say.

let me put my love into you

is this month over yet?

depending on how impatient i get i may just take off at the end of feb. those "up and gos" are poking me hard, digging in. two of my roommates were in chicago last week just for the shits of it, after a trip to kansas was botched. photos of them drinking jameson on some playground in the middle of the night made me jealous.

doing a medical research study next month. a specific diet one which involves free food and a 3-day hospital stay, though i get paid sick days at work. so it'll pay twice. i mean, most med studies pay hundreds. i'll have a nice chunk of change to move on.

maybe i'll get a nice boyfriend in chicago. one who likes gentle boning on a dirty mattress to Black Flag. a nice one who treats me like his best friend. that would be great.

yes, those are mine.

hot cakes

what's been going on? let's see. i don't celebrate holidays. dec. 24th i went to see avatar with the roommates. it was pretty entertaining. a few one-liners, white-messiah story line, and fourteen dollars for a 3-D movie? jesus. other than those things it was alright. new years i worked a half day and then had some kind of deep talk with jess, then just hung out with her around midnight after she came back really high from a party. the clock hit midnight and i hardly noticed as i was looking at a grey's anatomy and watching how to roll cigarettes. it was real cold but someone in the neighborhood started yelling from his house...from what sounded like the roof.

i hate january, it's the worst. weather's been alright. still biking regularly. starting to become apathetic in work and some friendships as i'm moving in two months. trying to get rid of stuff. when i moved to boston five years ago i came with maybe three suitcases? that was it. trying to leave the same way. ehhh...

speaking of getting rid of stuff...art show up in allston now. for two weeks. didn't really tell anyone because i'm far too modest. people who boast and talk about "art" like it's, uh, well you know what i mean. like they're trying to sound cultured. i hate that shit. usually they've average skill and try to get noticed by being hip as a person. that's bullshit. modesty is a virtue. patience too, which i don't have but am trying. i just want to draw and paint well. i don't want some shallow attention. didn't have an opening. even considered using a fake name. people like the stuff, it's selling fast. i want them to like it...so i get their money...i don't care if they like me or not. a lot of the stuff was made for people to buy. bikes and shit. sells fast. what i really like drawing are things like demons with double-headed dicks. that won't sell. take my stuff, give me your money. i want to be free...with financial support to be a street rat.
oh, i went to the ballet on the 24th. it was great. first time! really great. no one to go with. didn't care.

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