koko sad

just playin'. koko loves cats.
uhhh what's new. let's see. party at my place last weekend went fine. i wore a duct tape vest for part of it. i also hung out in my room with some co-workers while one of them tattooed little lines on me. he then left some supplies there and i, sloppy drunk, experimented with them. i wouldn't say that was a mistake but i sure as shit won't be practicing tattooing under the influence anymore.

every now and then i get all worked up and am like "fuck it! i'm fulfilling my destiny of moving to chicago. next spring/summer/fall!!" and then it never happens. start dating someone new, nervous breakdown, job raise, whatever. shit happens. this week it struck me again. i've never been unhappy there. i can navigate solo. and even if i'm just pathetically milking the bliss of past memories in the city that will end quick when i settle there...that's alright.
i can handle that. i wish my sister would move back there. i wish ragstock was still gross vintage (it's changed. that goes for minneapolis too. i don't get it. at least the alley still smells like rotting garbage and piss). i wish i could have jamba juice and potbelly whenever i wanted. i wish i could strut up and down broadway with my skin burning from fresh ink and a big goofy drunk smile on my face every night. i wish my ex didn't hate me so we could go to golden nugget and then drink 40s (they were probably 20s) in an alley under the full moon. maybe those days are dead.
maybe i'm dilusional. (sp?)
maybe i'll miss blue bloods and goofy accents and old streets the minute i leave boston. there's plenty of irish in chicago. i don't know. i've been here five years. i need a change. i've gotta keep running. people around me keep dyin and moving away and i've gotta skip town. i can't settle. i can't get into something heavy here or get knocked up and then just stay. gotta go, go, go.
the infamous case of the "up and gos"