puppy burrito

looks delicious
do you ever get stoked about something but secretly know you're getting in way over your head? selling drugs, fucking a married man, stealing cars, whatever. i'm not doing any of these things but i get that feeling every now and then. say i'm taking on a big art project and i'm like 'yeah, i totally can do this, i'm a pro' and then can't sleep because i just know deep down inside that i have no fucking idea what i'm doing and hoping that no one else finds out.
stuff like that.
moving on...
sometimes i'm eating some form of meat and i look down and consider what it is...or used to be...and gag it all up. meat can be really tasty , obviously, and i've tried veganism in the past, but i cannot resist things like bacon, etc. right now i'm eating a ham sandwich and just realized it looks gross, pink like it was just shaved off some pig's backside and i gagged hardcore. i think i can only enjoy meat if it is burned to a crisp or doesn't resemble any kind of flesh, like a chicken nugget or something. maybe i should just stop eating meat.

i'm getting into the baby-making age (which could be much earlier than 26 for others) where my body makes feelings around babies that it hadn't before. looking forward to it. adoption, however, is really important as well. i'm too nauseous and tired to get preachy. it's not getting ruled out, that's all.

maybe i'll surprise myself with getting in over my head. in the past i've been so unshakeable (sp?) at times that i felt an outer-body coming-of-age change. other times i've just thrown myself on the ground and screamed like a little kid. most likely i'm so numb inside that i can shake off a lot of fear and just go with it. that sounds pretty negative. maybe jaded is the word.